Limerence? Not Quite…

A tale of trembling hearts
With words erupting like a volcano
Impudence isn’t there, just fragility of thoughts
I spend hours attempting to join the dots.

Can’t find words, they just erode
When you stare at me, with eyes heavy and broad
Half full or half empty, I don’t know
Are you hiding something similar beneath those eyelids?
Let me know

The moments we’ve spent together,
are both the serendipitous memory
As well as a perpetual sorrow
They were a harbinger of spring to this day
But might soon turn into a steady drizzle by tomorrow

It ain’t fragile, it never was
Neither is my love a gimmick
In fact, my love has reached a point
Where both you and I are synonymic

All my words are lying before me
Like dead weights
Soft sounds emerge from my lips
But perish before reaching your ears
Lips begin to ache
And all that remains at hand is a multitude of snowflakes…

Picture Courtesy: Pinterest

Pieces of love-Part I: In love, there lies dichotomy

Well, I guess I need to be alone. I want to put the pieces together. I want to ponder over my decisions and words amidst stun silence. I want to walk in the streets without companions. I want no conversations to happen, and I want to look at myself in the mirror. I want to look at my face, which has turned red because of shyness. I want to ask myself: “Was I wrong?” I want an appropriate answer. These questions have been making my life difficult for quite some time now. Continue reading “Pieces of love-Part I: In love, there lies dichotomy”

The Pilgrimage to Your Heart…

Words are lying in disarray,
You know what I mean, don’t you?
It is with you that I find profound solace
A place so calm and peaceful

The skies have turned murky
And moving forward is a daunting task
I have been struggling to get things going
For the path I took was insurmountable and rough

The journey is wearing me out
But I’d keep on moving
If I give up, all hope would perish
Never to return

I always knew there was a place
Later, it dawned on me that it was just a trick
Wanted an immediate answer
It hurt me immensely and I felt cheated
Despite despondence, I’d like to keep you close to my heart
My voice is falling apart
You kissed my cheek and smiled, rather nonchalantly
I realized that the journey was complete
I had conquered the final frontier…

Picture courtesy: Pinterest

Apologies of a lover…

Today, when I closed my eyes

Deep down into the depths of sleep

I could not hear myself weep,

But I know you heard my cries

I could hear your voice calling me

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And then the enchantment broke

Out of nowhere, my throat began to choke

And then in my mind, although without reason

Flashed memories of the blissful season

Of the moments we had spent together, in a world of our own

without you I feel like I’m wasted, I’m being thrown

And soon I realized, my love had turned into addiction

 

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It was all real, it wasn’t fiction

But then, my mind entered into a line of thought

I felt I had gone a bit too far, from rainfall to draught

I got to know, I had gone completely wrong

I had fallen weak at a time when I should have been strong

Out of despondence and out of insecurity

I saw how vulnerable I had fallen

I was being swept away, I was being stolen

 

You showed me everything which was holding me back

When you are there my life’s on track

I said ‘ I love you’

And I know I really do

I said ‘I love you’

Because I could see myself in you

But I am sorry for revealing what I felt

I thought you would tell me how this problem is to be dealt

 

I am sorry for crossing the limit

I am such a coward, meek and timid

Everything happened because of my fear

For I want you to be near

So, let us be friends yet again, the best of them

For your friendship turned me into a gem

 

So, to conclude the story

I can only say I’m sorry

We can’t be together as lovers, I guess it is true

But as the best of friends, I have chosen you

Because when I went out to search for faithfulness in the world,

I found you
It is your smile which keeps me moving

Because you held my hand and drove me out of the dark

And, when both of us collide, we tend to come together

But even if we don’t , I guess we’ll never be far apart

 

Picture Courtesy: Pinterest

Khwabeeda (dreamlike)

A raw charm and engulfed me
She looked lively
A soul wild and free
It flew out of my hand
Before I could count up to three

Heaven and hell are superlatives
It was something in between
Moments ago, it was real
Right now, it’s just a dream
Nothing has changed
Everything remains the same
A slight prick, but a lot of pain

Breaths were getting heavier
And the world was turning upside down
It is no longer scorching hot
Within four walls, I am no longer caught

A fond memory was stolen
My heart had started bleeding
Eyes too were swollen

I was caught
Within glass walls
You came and broke them all
Gigantic, strong, and tall

And then, our eyes met
You were right beside me
Moments later, you were gone
I felt cold, perplexed, and alone

Just then, the splendour ended
I woke up
And was left in a state of despair
After you vanished into thin air…

Picture courtesy: Pinterest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Diaries- Part I The Coffee Shop Conundrum…

Dating someone happens to be quite an adventure. The reason I consider it to be an adventure is: you don’t know what you’d be bumping into. You don’t know the person. You aren’t aware of his/her tastes and preferences. So, to top it all, there’s a considerable degree of uncertainty that ends up making the experience memorable and exciting.

In all fairness, a romantic date is not something all of us are privileged enough to experience. Only a few are able to experience it while the rest of us are left wishing to get a taste of it while staring our way into the depths of the oblivion.

For a guy such as myself who has never experienced the thrills and spills of dating a girl, the opportunity came out of nowhere.  Let me give you some context before I start bombarding you with my earth-shattering experiences.

The Prelude:

I am a transcriber by profession and work at a content marketing firm. The office happens to be located in Delhi’s Pitampura area, just about five kilometers away from my house. To be honest, my happiness knew no bounds when I got this job. The office happened to be nearby, which meant I could save a lot of money which would have otherwise been spent in commuting to the workplace.

I take a shared Uber cab in the morning simply because it happens to be cheaper than hiring an independent cab.  During the routine pilgrimage, I met a girl. We met in August last year. Our first meeting turned out to be quite uneventful. Since both of us were complete strangers, we didn’t bother speaking, but our eyes must have met quite a few times that day.

The Beginning

Days kept passing by and both of us kept meeting each other. As our interactions grew, we started moving past the usual hellos and heys. She appeared a bit shy. (I would like to believe that.) She didn’t really open up until recently.

Back in December, we shared our phone numbers. It was followed by an unending saga of text messages. For the past 10 days, my phone has been buzzing quite frequently. The messages don’t stop. The conversations just go on and on and on. Our conversations are like a river i.e. never-ending.

Now, let us come to the dating episode. During one of the days in early January, she texted me saying that she wanted to meet me. I, out of shyness, tried to avoid the meeting by cooking up various excuses.

Despite my resistance, she remained firm. It felt as if she wanted to meet me out of desperation. My phone’s message box was being flooded with messages. After being overpowered by a thousand fragments of broken thoughts, I finally gave in and agreed to meet her.

It was a working day and I had to apply for a sudden short leave in order to materialize the date. We decided to meet at one of the Café Coffee Day outlets in Jwala Heri Market (West Delhi). We were to meet at 4 pm. I must confess that I was scared. It was the 5th day of January 2019, but I was sweating profusely.

I wasn’t scared out of shyness, but because, in the past, my encounters with girls had been disastrous. It is hard for me to be close and I can’t help it. I find it hard to start a conversation. And that day, it happened to be no different.

The Shyness, the Nervy Moments, and Everything in Between

Okay, so as far as the date is concerned, it was no less than a life and death situation for me. The reason I consider it to be a life-death situation is: I didn’t know how to react. When I entered the coffee shop, she was already there, with her eyes glued to the coffee shop’s main entrance. For the first time in my professional career, I had been late for an ‘appointment’, albeit by just a couple of minutes.

It was a sunny afternoon in January with occasional gusts of wind kissing my cheeks. Our date began with a few glaring stares. I guess she too was just as nervous as I was. Our conversation began with the usual hi and hellos and shifted to our mutual love affair with coffee. The regular pauses in her voice made me realise the extent of insecurity prevalent in her mind. She wasn’t comfortable. I could clearly figure that out. Her eyes were an epitome of insecurity and fragility. Nearly 10 minutes had passed and yet both of us couldn’t manage to strike a conversation. Both of us kept scrolling through the WhatsApp conversations in our attempts to look busy.

After more than 15 minutes of indomitable silence, I managed to break the shackles and asked her if she wanted something to eat. She, in the softest of voices, replied that a hearty cup of coffee is what she wanted and asked me if I would be kind enough to go and place the order.

After the order was placed, silence began creeping into our heads once again. This time, quite surprisingly, she ended up breaking the monotony and asked me if I had a girlfriend. I wanted to tell her that having a girlfriend is nothing short of a luxury for an introvert such as myself but ended up opting for an easier escape by simply nodding my head sideways.

She told me how she had been prone to allergies and that she avoided eating out. The sorrow of not being able to complete her higher education due to personal problems could also be clearly seen in her eyes. She told me that she couldn’t complete her graduation as she had to relocate all the way to the United States during the 2nd year of her Bachelor’s Degree Programme.

The conversation then shifted to how our respective families are doing. How many sisters and how many brothers and so on. These questions were followed by a few predictable answers. Just then, a young girl of about 22 served coffee and within no time, both of us could be seen smiling at each other whilst sipping the divine liquid. I call it a divine liquid because it helped ease our nerves and we could now talk freely. Within no time, we were discussing pop culture, films, a shared love for Punjabi pop music, etc. That coffee must have contained magic, for both of us couldn’t stop talking after sipping it. Our tongues ran berserk and all the cautions were thrown to the wind.

We kept talking and the time kept passing like an overflowing river of sand. A knot was tied. There was a certain degree of warmth which, in all fairness, seemed to have engulfed us. Both of us didn’t bother moving. Everything remained still. Even our hearts must have skipped a few beats. The experience was worth it. I got an opportunity to open up after ages.

After an hour and a half of endless banter and gossip, the time had come for both of us to part ways. As we made our way out of the coffee shop, a bond was established. A few threads got entangled. It was all worth it. The experience helped me get over my fright.

And soon enough, goodbyes were being waved. For me, the ‘meeting’ had ended, whereas for here, it had just begun.

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Travelogue…

Oh, this Travelogue
Is a travelogue of all the scattered questions
A varied narrative of the pains and longings I have gone through
It begins with hope,
And ends the moment I see you
Oh,  this travelogue

The Moments I thought had been lost
Were lying there, deep within my soul
It is a narrative of all the answers I seek
I’ve taken countless steps, attempting to reach your heart
You too, take a step forward
So that we can make the ends meet Continue reading “Travelogue…”